Asocial Press   Jan 21, 2007

China last week successfully used a missile to destroy an orbiting satellite, U.S. government officials told AP on Thursday.
The test could undermine relations with the West and pose a threat to satellites important to the U.S. military.
In a bold move, the Whitehouse has declared outer space to be the 53rd U.S. state.

In an article by Tyme magazine, Bush was asked "Why 53?".
President Bush replied: "That's in addition to Alaska and Iraq".

Asocial Press   Jan 21, 2007

Hillary Clinton launched her bid to return to the White House, promising voters: "I'm in to win".
Her husband, ex-president Bill Clinton, was overheard to say: "I'm in two".

In a bid to recoup losses incurred by the box office disaster: "Gore takes the Whitehouse",
Hollywood producers have already begun advertising their latest film: Whitehouse Blues.

Asocial Press   Jan 30, 2007

Iran's President Ahmadinejad, speaking at the "World Without Zionism" conference, noted that he had recently completed a course in Geography.
To his surprise, he found that Iran was almost completely surrounded by countries with Nuclear weapons.

When asked about his goals vis-a-vis nuclear weapons, Ahmadinejad replied:
"When we take Iraq and complete our own nuclear program, the map will be quite red."
Laughing, he added: "Isn't that the colour of American Republicans?"

Asocial Press   August 11, 2007

An international scramble for the Arctic's oil and gas resources accelerated yesterday when Canada responded to Russia's recent sovereignty claims with a plan to build two military bases in the region.

On a trip to the far north, the prime minister, Stephen Harpey, told AP:
"Canada's new government understands that the first principle of Arctic sovereignty is: lose it or use it ... or something like that."

In anticipation of the establishment of an arctic base, Canada is sending the aircraft carrier HMCS Unvaunted to the North Pole.